Deciding to become a surrogate is an incredibly meaningful and life-changing choice. While you may feel excited and confident about your decision, you may also wonder how to share the news with your friends and family. Some may be supportive and curious, while others may have questions or concerns about surrogacy.
Navigating these conversations with clarity, confidence, and patience can help foster understanding and support. In this blog, we’ll share practical tips on how to talk to your loved ones about your surrogacy journey, address common concerns, and educate those unfamiliar with the process.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ >>>>> CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
Why It’s Important to Talk About Surrogacy
Surrogacy is still a topic that many people don’t fully understand, which can lead to misconceptions. By openly discussing your journey, you have the opportunity to:
- Educate others about what surrogacy is and why it’s a positive choice.
- Address any concerns or myths your loved ones may have.
- Gain emotional support from friends and family during your journey.
- Help normalize surrogacy and encourage open conversations about family building.
While it’s your choice how much you share, having open and honest discussions can strengthen your relationships and make your experience even more fulfilling.
When and How to Bring Up the Conversation
While there’s no right or wrong time, consider the following:
- Before the Medical Process Begins: Sharing early allows time for questions and support before you start medications, medical screenings, or matching with intended parents.
- After Matching with Intended Parents: Some surrogates feel more comfortable sharing once they’ve matched, as they can explain their specific surrogacy arrangement.
- Whenever You Feel Ready: You don’t have to tell everyone at once. Start with those closest to you, and expand the conversation as you become more comfortable.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ >>>>> CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
Tips for Talking to Loved Ones About Surrogacy
1. Start with the Basics
Not everyone is familiar with how surrogacy works, so begin with a simple and clear explanation.
2. Be Prepared for Questions
Your loved ones may have questions, and that’s okay! Some common ones include:
- “How does surrogacy work legally?”
- “Isn’t it risky for your health?”
- “How do your kids feel about this?”
You can calmly address concerns with facts and reassure them that surrogacy is a carefully planned and supported process.
3. Educate with Confidence
Misinformation about surrogacy is common. Be prepared to clarify misconceptions, such as:
- Myth: Surrogates use their own egg and are giving away their own child.
- Fact: Gestational surrogates carry an embryo created from the intended parents’ or donors’ genetic material. There is no biological link to the surrogate.
- Myth: The surrogate has parental rights over the baby.
- Fact: Legal contracts establish that the intended parents have full parental rights.
- Myth: Surrogacy is financially motivated.
- Fact: While surrogates receive compensation, they do it primarily for the joy of helping another family.
4. Acknowledge Their Concerns with Empathy
Some family members, especially parents or close friends, may worry about your well-being. It’s important to listen to their concerns and respond with reassurance.
5. Set Boundaries if Needed
While many people will be supportive, not everyone may agree with your decision. That’s okay. If someone is negative or unsupportive, set boundaries around the conversation.
Remember, this is your journey, and you don’t need approval from everyone.
6. Share the Joy of Surrogacy
One of the best ways to help loved ones embrace surrogacy is by sharing the positive aspects. Tell them why you chose this path and how meaningful it is for you.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ >>>>> CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
Talking to Children About Surrogacy
If you have children, they may also have questions about your surrogacy journey. Keep the conversation simple and age-appropriate.
- Young Children (Ages 3-6): “Mommy is helping another family by growing a baby in her belly. The baby will go home with their parents after they’re born.”
- Older Children (Ages 7-12): “Some parents need help having a baby. I’m helping by carrying their baby for them. They will love and take care of the baby when it’s born.”
Check out this interview with 10 year old, Mia, and hear her thoughts on her mother's 3 surrogacy journeys!
- Teenagers: Be open and honest, explaining the surrogacy process and why you chose to do it. Most teens will appreciate the altruistic aspect of surrogacy.
Encourage your children to ask questions and express their feelings. Let them know they are still your priority, and your love for them remains unchanged.
This blog post from our archives has a list of great books about surrogacy made just for kids of all ages!
Final Thoughts: Turning Conversations into Support
Talking to friends and family about surrogacy can feel overwhelming at first, but by approaching the conversation with confidence, education, and empathy, you can help your loved ones understand and support your journey.
Surrogacy is a beautiful, selfless act, and while not everyone may immediately understand, those who truly care about you will respect your decision. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you.