Embarking on a surrogacy journey is a path filled with hope, anticipation, and often, a fair share of anxiety for intended parents.
While the focus is naturally on the ultimate goal—bringing a child into the world—the importance of building a strong and positive relationship with your surrogate cannot be overstated. This relationship forms the foundation of a successful surrogacy experience and ensures a smoother, more fulfilling journey for everyone involved.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
Understanding the Role of Intended Parents
As intended parents, you are an integral part of the surrogacy process, and your involvement plays a significant role in the surrogate's experience. It’s essential to understand that your surrogate is not just a vessel for carrying your child, but a partner in this journey. Showing respect, appreciation, and empathy towards your surrogate can go a long way in fostering a healthy and positive relationship.
(Listen to our podcast Carey Flamer-Powell, Founder of Surrogacy Mentor, and her former Intended Mother, Nicole, as they share their surrogacy journey and insights.)
Open and Honest Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, and this is especially true in surrogacy. From the very beginning, it’s important to establish open lines of communication with your surrogate. Be clear about your expectations, and encourage your surrogate to do the same. Discussing topics like the frequency of communication, involvement in medical appointments, and any other concerns can help prevent misunderstandings later on.
Regular check-ins can help both parties feel connected and reassured throughout the journey. Whether it’s through phone calls, video chats, or text messages, staying in touch can build trust and make both the intended parents and the surrogate feel more at ease.
Mutual Respect and Boundaries
Every surrogacy journey is unique, and so is every surrogate-intended parent relationship. It’s essential to respect the boundaries set by your surrogate and to be mindful of her comfort level. While some surrogates may enjoy frequent updates and interaction, others may prefer a bit more space. Understanding and honoring these preferences shows that you value her as an individual, not just as a surrogate.
In the same vein, it’s important to discuss and agree upon certain boundaries early on. Topics like the level of involvement in the pregnancy, decision-making processes, and handling of medical information should be addressed upfront. This ensures that both parties are on the same page and can move forward with confidence and mutual respect.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
Involvement in the Pregnancy
Being involved in the pregnancy can be a wonderful way to build a bond with your surrogate. Attend medical appointments if possible, or join via video call if distance is an issue. Sharing these experiences not only helps you feel more connected to the pregnancy but also shows your surrogate that you are invested in the process.
Many intended parents find it helpful to create small rituals or traditions throughout the pregnancy. Whether it’s sending a care package, writing letters to the surrogate, or creating a shared photo album, these gestures can help strengthen your relationship and create lasting memories.
Showing Appreciation and Gratitude
Surrogacy is a profound act of kindness and generosity, and expressing your appreciation can have a significant impact on your relationship with your surrogate. Small gestures of gratitude, such as sending a thank-you note or a thoughtful gift, can make your surrogate feel valued and recognized for the important role she is playing in your family’s journey.
However, appreciation doesn’t always have to be material. Often, the most meaningful expressions of gratitude come from the heart—a heartfelt conversation, a sincere thank you, or simply acknowledging her sacrifices and efforts can mean the world to your surrogate.
Navigating Challenges Together
Like any relationship, the surrogate-intended parent relationship may face challenges along the way. Whether it’s navigating medical complications, managing stress, or dealing with unexpected emotions, it’s important to approach these challenges as a team. Being there for your surrogate during tough times, offering support, and working together to find solutions can strengthen your bond and ensure a more positive experience for everyone.
TAKE THE SURROGACY QUIZ CHAT WITH A SURROGATE
The Lasting Impact of a Strong Relationship
The relationship you build with your surrogate during the surrogacy journey can have a lasting impact, not only on the pregnancy itself but also on your lives moving forward. Many intended parents and surrogates remain close long after the baby is born, maintaining a special bond that is rooted in the shared experience of bringing a new life into the world.
In some cases, this relationship evolves into a lifelong friendship, where both families continue to share in each other’s lives. While this level of connection isn’t a given, it’s a beautiful possibility that can arise from a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual appreciation.
Conclusion
The surrogacy journey is an incredible process that requires the collaboration of both intended parents and surrogates. By focusing on building a strong and positive relationship with your surrogate, you can help ensure a smooth and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. Through open communication, mutual respect, involvement in the pregnancy, and expressions of gratitude, you can create a bond that not only supports the surrogacy process but also enriches your lives long after the journey is complete.
Remember, at the heart of surrogacy is a shared goal of bringing a new life into the world. By working together with kindness and understanding, you can make this journey a positive and rewarding experience for all.