One of the most exciting steps in the surrogacy journey is the matching process, where you’ll connect with intended parents to begin your shared path toward creating a family. Finding the right match is essential for building a positive relationship based on trust, mutual respect, and shared goals. Knowing what to expect during the matching process can help you feel more confident and prepared as you start this life-changing experience.
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Understanding the Matching Process
The matching process is designed to bring together surrogates and intended parents who are compatible in values, expectations, and vision for the surrogacy journey. It’s more than just a formal introduction—it’s about finding a partnership that will be fulfilling and supportive for both sides. This process involves reviewing profiles, having initial discussions, and meeting with intended parents to see if there’s a good fit.
Reviewing Profiles
The first step in the matching process is usually reviewing profiles of intended parents. These profiles are created by your agency and they provide information about each family’s background, lifestyle, reasons for choosing surrogacy, and what they’re looking for in a surrogate. As a surrogate, you’ll also have a profile that intended parents will review, so they can get to know you, your family, and your motivations.
Take your time when reviewing profiles and consider what’s important to you in a match. Look for shared values, openness in communication, and any specific qualities that resonate with you. It’s okay to take your time during this step; finding the right match is worth the effort.
The First Meeting with Intended Parents (aka "Match Meeting")
Once you and the intended parents have expressed interest in each other's profiles, your agency will schedule a virtual meeting. This meeting is a chance to connect with the intended parents on a personal level and see if the chemistry feels right. It’s normal to feel a bit nervous, but remember, the intended parents are likely feeling the same way. Here are a few tips to make the first meeting go smoothly:
- Be Open and Honest: Authenticity is key to forming a genuine connection. Share your motivations, goals, and any personal insights that can help the intended parents understand you better.
- Level of Involvement: How involved would the intended parents like to be throughout the pregnancy? Some may want regular updates and to attend appointments, while others may prefer a more hands-off approach.
- Communication Style: Talk about how often you’ll communicate and which methods you prefer (text, calls, video chats). Setting expectations for communication early on can help avoid misunderstandings.
- Medical Preferences: Intended parents may have specific preferences regarding medical decisions, such as prenatal tests or birthing plans. It’s essential to understand each other’s views on medical choices and align on major decisions.
- Post-Birth Contact: Discuss what kind of contact, if any, each party would like to maintain after the birth. Some intended parents and surrogates develop lasting friendships, while others may prefer to conclude the journey after delivery.
- Trust Your Instincts: You may not feel an immediate “click,” and that’s okay. Take note of how comfortable and respected you feel, as well as whether there’s a sense of alignment in values and expectations.
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Factors to Consider When Choosing Intended Parents
While every match is unique, here are some important factors to consider as you decide if the intended parents feel right for you:
1. Shared Values and Goals
Having shared values and goals with intended parents can make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. Consider whether their reasons for choosing surrogacy, their family values, and their hopes for the journey resonate with you.
2. Openness and Communication Style
Effective communication is the backbone of a positive surrogacy journey. Make sure you’re comfortable with the intended parents’ preferred communication style and frequency. Open communication fosters trust, understanding, and respect.
3. Flexibility and Understanding
Surrogacy is a journey with many emotional and physical demands. Intended parents who show empathy, flexibility, and a supportive attitude can make a big difference, especially during challenging moments.
4. Mutual Respect for Boundaries
Discussing boundaries is essential to ensure both parties feel respected. Whether it’s about privacy, the level of involvement, or post-birth contact, mutual respect for each other’s boundaries creates a strong foundation for a positive relationship.
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Trusting Your Instincts and Making the Decision
The matching process is both practical and intuitive. While it’s important to look at compatibility factors and ask the right questions, it’s equally important to trust your instincts. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable, respected, and supported by the intended parents. If you have any reservations, take the time to discuss them with your surrogacy coordinator. A strong match should feel reassuring and natural.
Final Thoughts: Starting a Meaningful Journey Together
Finding the right intended parents is an essential part of creating a rewarding and fulfilling surrogacy journey. By being open, asking the right questions, and trusting your instincts, you can establish a partnership that’s based on respect, trust, and shared goals.